Every Now And Then I Fall Apart

Hello, sorry it has been so long since my last post. Obviously things haven't really gone well.
However i have been weighing myself every day this week and i have been bouncing between 115 and 117.
I haven't really been binging but i haven't really watched what i have been eating either. It was mostly unhealthy stuff i have been eating :(.
I haven't got work tomorrow so my plan is:
Breakfast: Coffee
Lunch: Yogurt
Dinner: Crackerbread
I am also going to go to the gym and do some running. I am really into running at the moment, i love to see how far i can go and it just helps me stop stressing out. It also helps me know that i will lose weight.
I am looking forward til tomorrow so i can start fresh and hopefully not fuck it up bad.
I have moved in with my parents so it will be easier to stop binging. Thank god.
Anyways i will let you go, nighty night x x x

I Feel Skin Deep

117 fucking pounds. I couldn't believe it when i stepped on the scale this morning. I woke up at about 6 really thirsty so i had half a bottle of flavoured water. Big mistake i think. I also binged yesterday, i don't even know what came over me. I am so upset right now.
My friend has been ignoring me all week and i don't know why, so right now i just want food so i can take my mind off of everything but i am trying to teach myself that i can't use food to try and avoid my emotions, i just have to ride them out.
I feel fat as well, my clothes fit me the same as they did last week but i just feel trapped in them if that makes any sense. I think tonight i am going to write myself a doable plan and start tomorrow.
So today i have eaten:
Breakfast - coffee
Lunch - Weight Watchers yogurt
Dinner - Slice of bread and Oasis light drink
I think that would all come to about 300 cals.
I'm going to leave now and start writing this plan down :)

Oh how i wish for legs like these.

That Was Then And This Is Now

So today has been pretty eventful for me. I cut all my hair off and i love it :). For most of my life i have had long hair, when i was little until about 12 years of age it was down to my bum. Then i had a bob but grew it out, then a bob again and grew it out. This morning it was nearly the length of where my bra strap is. Now, it is like Katy Perry's hair in Part Of Me video. I was in shock when i first had it done, but i love it and all the people i work with love it. So it's all good :).
I binged yesterday :(. I wanted to do it because i felt like i wasn't going to lose weight if i didn't have a high-cal day. Silly me, it was a bad idea really :(. So i planned to fast today but i had 2 chocolate chips biscuits. I didn't eat all the second one though because the roof of my mouth started to swell up and hurt. The chocolate chips had hazelnuts in them so i think i may be allergic :(. And i had a can of diet coke which has given me a horrible stomach ache. I don't usually have fizzy so i think it maybe because i am not used to the acid being in there. And that is all i have had today. I feel really guilty though because i didn't fast. I did some dancing and i am going to do some more in the minute. I think tomorrow i am going to have a 300 cals, so a yogurt, cup of tea and some fruit.
I hope all you girlies are doing well. 2 days til my weigh in.
x x x x

You're Everything That Makes Me Fall In Love

I am in such a mess right now. I have been so depressed these past few days, i don't really know why though and it annoys the hell out of me. I cried today because i had something in my eye and couldn't get it out. It's still in there, whatever it is :(. 

I met with a friend yesterday and told her i wasn't really feeling myself, she said that i should go out with her and get drunk but i can't, for one alcohol has way too many calories that i don't need in it and for two, my mother is an alcoholic so alcohol doesn't appeal to me and i am frightened i will turn out like my mother, if i get drunk too many times. I also have quite an addictive personality. 

Anyways, eating wise has been great, Sunday, all through today have been low cal days. I am quite proud of myself. My work trousers aren't tight anymore, they fit perfectly, with a little room :). 

I am just really determined to do it this time. I felt like binging today but i got put off straight away when i thought about all the guilt and rage i would be feeling towards myself. For tomorrow i plan to have a coffee, cereal bar and probably a low cal jelly. I am also going to go to the gym after work and burn off some calories. I am quite excited for my weigh in on Sunday, i just hope i see a number that is less than 114. Only 4 days to go :).

Anyways, good luck everyone 

Night x x xx 

Keep Your Head Up

So, yesterday wasn't very good. Today wasn't much better but i think i only had 1200 calories. That is alot but i could have had so much more. I really want to weigh myself because i feel like i have put on so much weight. I was looking in the mirror yesterday while i was doing my makeup and my collarbones seem to be more prominent than they were last week. My work trousers were wouldn't zip up last week but today they fit. They are a tiny bit tight but hopefully when i put them back on, on Tuesday they will be a perfect fit.
My plan for tomorrow is to have a piece of fruit at the most and lots of water. I will also go to the gym, burn off some of these disgusting calories i have in my fat body. I also have to get some boxes so i can put some of my stuff away ready to move, so hopefully that will keep me busy and my mind off of food.
I feel really positive at the moment, but when i am at work i feel so miserable. I don't really know why though :(. Really tired as well, might do some dancing in the minute, i love dancing :).
Have a good day and keep losing them pounds my dear :) Thinspo pics next time :D
x x x

Nowhere's Home And I Am All Wrong.

Hey!
Today and yesterday have been really good, haven't binged at all. However i did have half a chewy sweet. I didn't realize what i was doing, i just opened the sweet and bit it. Before i could do anymore damage, i gave it to my little sister.
I have decided that i am next going to weigh myself on 17th June so that gives me 9 days to lose 3lbs. I can soo do this. I just have to keep up the work i am doing now.
I have been really tired lately but i just can't get to sleep at night, i will go to bed at about 10.30 and won't drop off to sleep until 11:30 maybe 12. It really pisses me off :(.
Anyways that was just a quick post, so i will love you and leave you now xxxx

Hello lovelies!
Today i have not done so good, my family had a jubilee party so there was food around and i just couldn't resist :(. Once i had something bad, i had this real urge to binge but i didn't. I walked away and went into my room, to cry. I was so upset with myself. I really wanted to get the food out, i hate the feeling of a full stomach. I still regret it now, but what is done is done. I have stayed away from food for the rest of the day and just had a cup of tea.
Even though i am upset about it, i am quite pleased with myself, i could have binged or purged the food up but i didn't.
I did some dancing today as the gym was closed due to being a bank holiday. I also tidied my room, getting ready for the move (if we get the house). So i think i burned at least 300 calories. Oh and i also did a 3mile walk. So not too bad. I love walking, i think it's the most enjoyable exercise. I just stick my ipod on and i could walk for miles and miles. I also love running too, but i do get a bit bored after a while and i don't like the feeling of not being able to breathe for a long time.
I also weighed myself after i ate all the junk, just to punish myself and see what damage i did. And i weighed in at 117.2lbs. Not too bad, i thought i would be at least 120lbs because i was full. The next time i weigh in i am going to aim for 115lbs. Wish me luck :)
x x x